Your mouth is God's brothel.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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