Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
