in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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