My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
