Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
