Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
