So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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