WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
