i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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