I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
