If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
