Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
