My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
there is puke in my bra ... again
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
