Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
