First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
