You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
