dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
