it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
