I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
