I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
