I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
