Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
