I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
