dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
