I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
