The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
