D3 body, D1 cock
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
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