Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
