Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
