Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
