literally had 100 drinks last night.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
