I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
