Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
