and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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