p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
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