you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
