You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
