Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
