if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
