two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
