I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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