did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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