nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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