It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
