got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
