Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
