whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
