Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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