the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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