i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
