So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
